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Dear god

Date: Monday, June 23, 2008
Time: 4:45 AM

Dear God ,

Many times , you leave me curious , wondering about the many plans you have in store for me . You've once said in Isaiah 44:2 ," I am your Creator . You were in my care even before you were born . " God, you knew me when i was still as young as a fetus . What are your plans for me ?? Apparently , the plans you have for me are contradictory to mine .

Don't get me wrong . I am not infuriated or resentful of how things have resulted . I am satisfied and happy at where i stand . However , a myriad of questions has flooded my mind .

At one time , I thought I would walk a smooth-sailing path into local universities . Obviously , the peaceful sea that I once thought I was going to sail through isn't as calm as i thought . Nonetheless , I'm utmost thankful that You've given me somewhere to dwell for the next 5 years . What perturbs me is the impacts of the new environment on me .

From one point , I see myself focused , studying hard and achieving satisfactory results that enable me to persist through the gruelling 5 years without any repeats . At the same time , i see myself enjoying life there , making new friends and gallivanting all over Malaysia with them. And after 5 years , I see myself glowing with pride while having the widest smile on my face, in an academic dress with a mortarboard on my head and an IMU graduation certificate in my hands .

Looking at the flipside of the coin , I see myself stressed up in my studies , as if studying in a pressure cooker . Yet , i fail my weekly quizes , monthly tests and semester exams . Not only that , i covert myself from the crowd . Instead of
mingling around with them , i dash
back into my haven - room 23-3 on the 23rd floor of block B condominium . And after 5 years , I see myself green with envy at the sight of my fellow course mates' graduation while i am left behind , still struggling through first year studies .

I know very well that it is impossible to predict or set what happens and what doesn't happen in my life . One thing for sure is that You'll be there for us no matter sunshine or rainfall . In Hebrews 13:5 , You said , " I will never leave you ; I will never abandon you . " Your words in Psalms 121:7-8 says , " The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."

You'll watch over me . That's all that matters .


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