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Curse you stupid cravings!

Date: Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Time: 12:36 PM

I eat a lot . I really really do eat really really a lot .

I am addicted to crunchy food . Addicted as in i start munching , continue munching , and I don't stop until there is nothing left for me to munch .

Fat has comfortably found a place to stay on my belly , and other parts of my body . ( I'm not going to say where . Coz you'll start observing . Please don't .)

I need to evict these fat from where they are living now.I plan to exercise . Run . Burn those evil fat cells . And in order to push me and force myself to exercise .

I participated in 2 upcoming runs . Both in October .

The first run is the New Balance Klang Pacers 12 km run which is held on the 12th of October .






The second is The Mizuno Wave run on the 19th of October .







Each , 1 week away from another . I had to pay a total of RM 65 . ( ya, OUCH ! ) But , I want the vest !! The goodies !!


And ... to get rid of my unwanted fat .

I've started my so-called training which involves running constantly for at least 10 rounds of a ring which is approximately 300 meters , and increasing 1 round day by day . Its really a good work out . Pumps your heart . Makes you sweat like you are in hell.

I thought i would be burning a lot of fat just running like that .

To my dismay , I gain even more . Instead of eating less , i realize , i eat more .

My mind kinda tells me : " Aiya , its ok la . eat whatever you like now , after all , you'll be running later . "

I have lots of mooncakes at home . Keropok . Biscuits . Mister potato . And my mum's desserts .

I can't stand the sight of food left unfinished .

For example : If the tub of Mister potato is half way to being empty , I would feel the need to finish all of it till its empty . And if there is 1/2 of a mooncake left in the fridge . I would stuff it into my mouth so that its totally out of sight .

Is this some kind of eating disorder ?

I think , if there was a total opposite eating disorder of anorexia ... this would be it .


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I am different

Date: Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Time: 2:00 PM

We humans are as different as " heads" and " tails" of a coin .

I think of myself as a person , firm on my own believes .

I don't change to impress .

I don't sweet talk to have someone like me .

I don't care what anybody thinks of me for what i said , for what i did , for what I thought .

My mind works according to my believes and my pleasure .

No matter how dull what I do , might sound .

I enjoy what I do . Every part of it .

I have no regards to others if i believe what I do is right .

I am cold blooded .

Try to change me . You will fail .


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I heart you

Date: Sunday, September 21, 2008
Time: 10:28 PM

You are the reason to my happiness .

You are the reason to my smiles .

You are the reason to my sleepless nights .

I love you very much .

I feel like holding you in my arms . And squeeze you tight till you can't breath .

I feel like giving you kisses . Although not on the lips , but all over you .

I want to thank you .

Sin Dee .

I heart you .

For providing me the internet :)

PS:
FYI , I finally have internet at B-23-3.
Happy~happy~joy ~joy~ ! Happy ~ Happy ~ Joy ~ !

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Is it me ?

Date: Saturday, September 20, 2008
Time: 10:58 PM

I feel like I'm single .

I don't feel Mr.Hony's love , again .

Is it me ?

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Wrinkles and White Hair

Date: Friday, September 19, 2008
Time: 10:09 PM

Ma ,

When I was 7 . You scolded me . And i rebelled , saying that you were worser than Cinderella's stepmother . Which then earned me a lecture from Papa .

When I was 9 . Chinese homework were bitter pills to me . You and Papa found out from Miss Yang ( my primary school Chinese teacher ) that I've been accumulating all my Chinese homework for months . Not only that , you found out that I've been lying , a lot , to my teachers . The worst thing was , you also found out that I tried to forge Papa's signature for my Chinese Dictation in which I scored 0 % .

For all that , you caned me with the feather-duster and Papa hit me with his own hands .

When I was 17 , you found out about the relationship I had with a boy at school . For days , I was scolded . For months , I was brain-washed . I cried because I was forced to break up . I cried because of all the things you and Papa were saying to me .

You always commented on some of my clothes . Its always either too tight or too bare . After each comment , a scary stare followed .

You and Papa scolded me , nagged at me , and even caned me ( just a few times ) .

It was never nice to get scolded , nagged or caned . I never did enjoy those moments .

But , I don't hate you and Papa .

I see wrinkles on your faces .
I see strands of white hair over your heads .
There is a tale behind each strand of white hair and each wrinkle on your faces .

Those wrinkles and white hair signify everything .

All those sessions of rebuking , nagging and canning were done for good reasons .

You and Papa have lived in this harsh world for more than half a century now . No doubt , you and Papa have the most experiences than any of us in the family . Both of you know best of what is good and what is not .

Now that I am older .

I realize why Papa lectured me when I made that cruel remark . I realize why you and Papa caned me when I was lazy , lied and tried to forge a signature . I realize what you said about having a relationship and committing to a relationship at such a tender age were true . I understand why you didn't want me in those body hugging and skimpy clothes now .

If asked , what changes I want in my parents , I would say , " They are perfect the way they are . "

Again and again .

I love you Ma . I love you Pa .

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Symbiosis

Date: Saturday, September 13, 2008
Time: 12:59 AM

Symbiosis or mutualism is the relation between 2 species of organisms that are interdependent ; each gains benefits from the other .

This is the case for me and S .

First off , my predictions of how S would turn out to be were 80% wrong . S proved to be friendly , talkative , filled with laughter and ... a bit blur .

I managed to break the ice on the day she moved in . I perceived from her speech that she did not feel comfortable speaking English . When I started chatting with her in Chinese , that was when the ice berg cracked .

S is OK after all . She doesn't mess up the condominium . And doesn't bother or disturb me when I'm asleep or anything .

But , after staying under the same roof for a week , I realize ... S is sticking to me . Stick as in kind of like glued to me .

I see her in the mornings when I walk to class . She sits beside me in class . She leaves the class with me . She meets my friends with me . She follows me out for lunch . She takes lunch with me .She goes home together with me . She watches movies with me in the afternoons . She goes jogging with me . She takes dinner with me . Basically , she's 95 % of the time with me . The other 5 % is when we are with our PBL groups and sleeping .

Thank God , she doesn't bath with me .

This is what happened everyday for the pass 1 week.

After one whole week of S , I'm a bit sick and tired of talking to her . I wonder why she doesn't meet up and mingle around with her orientation group mates . What about other friends ?? I am her only friend ??

However , S coming to stay here isn't all that bad and ugly to me . In some way , I need her . I need her company when walking to class . I need her company when I come face to face with trouble in B-23-3 . I need her to talk to me when I need someone to talk to . I need a place other than my room to go to when I am bored and stressed out .

Most importantly , I really really need internet . In which , she has .

I THINK , in some way , she needs me too . Somehow , at times , I feel that I need to help her out at making new friends , taking initiative in befriending or talking to others and learning to be independent ( which is equally important to what I need from her ! )

I need her . She needs me .

I benefit from her . She benefits from me .

Symbiosis .

PS:

Ee Teen ! Happy Birthday ! Have a blessed birthday . Hope you like the donuts and small little perfume :)


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Lonely no more

Date: Saturday, September 6, 2008
Time: 4:37 PM

I should be rejoicing . I should be showing gratitude . I should be overjoyed . But , somehow . I am not feeling anything close to happy about it .

I have been staying alone in B-23-3 for 2 weeks now . Despite how solitary it seems , I enjoyed and relished in the 2 weeks of loneliness . I had great fun having my orientation group buddies over for discussion , watching Grey's Anatomy and playing dress up in my room. I had fun turning the music volume till it was full blast . I had fun having the peacefulness of the night and beautiful lights of KL accompany me .

However , I won't be able to enjoy all that anymore .

A girl , S , will be moving into the condominium this coming Sunday . Like I said , I should be happy that I won't be alone in the condo anymore . But , seriously , I am not really happy .

I don't know much about her . Just know that she's from Shah Alam and in the same batch as me in IMU . She got my number from a friend of her's that i know . OK . That's fine with me .

On thursday , she came with her dad to view the place . I thought it would be best to be friendly and try to get to know a bit more about who she is . So , I marched up to her with the biggest smile on my face saying , " Hi , I am Shi Yi . "

So I made my move . Hoping that she would do the same . I was there , waiting , ...

Come on , come on , say something ...

Instead , nothing came out of her mouth . Okay , wait , she smiled . But , well , I expected an intro or a hand shake from her , after all we'll be condo-mates soon .

Its too early for me to judge what kind of person she is . A lot of "What if-s" have been popping up into my head .

My major worry is that she'll only mess and not clean . My skills of cleaning has earned me compliments from the owner's mother . I sure hope that my hard work of keeping it spic and span won't go into the the drain just because of S .

And I really , really , REALLY hate to clear up mess that isn't mine .

What if she's bitchy ? What if she's a slob like the previous pharmacy girl who stayed there ?
What if I wanted to use the bathroom and she wanted to use it too ? What if she turned out to be noiser than me ?

I hope she's not what I think she is .

PS:
Orientation was SUPERB ! Will post about it after I get the photos.

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